Hounyeh Kim
Fish
Fish first appeared on Earth approximately 530 million years ago during the Cambrian explosion, with the earliest vertebrates being jawless fish such as Haikouichthys and Myllokunmingia, which had basic vertebrate body plans including a notochord, rudimentary vertebrae, and a well-defined head and tail
.As the Ordovician period progressed, around 480 million years ago, the first true fish with spinal columns and armored plates emerged, and by the late Ordovician, the first jawed vertebrates appeared, marking a significant evolutionary milestone
The Devonian period, often called the "Age of Fishes," saw a rapid diversification of fish, including the development of bony fish (Osteichthyes) and cartilaginous fish (Chondrichthyes), which would eventually give rise to modern fish species
My Story
Korea's modern history already became history book material by 2024. The generation that endured the Japanese colonial period, independence, Korean War, economic development, and military dictatorship has gone from being the main actors in society to outdated elders, and now they are fading away one by one, due to physical death. This generation instructed me how one generation passes away. I witnessed how physical weariness results in a great reduction of their influence in society and how quickly this results in a paradigm shift in society. Although this will eventually happen to me as well, paradoxically, the closer this reality gets, the more I will forget about it.
Death and oblivion have always been fascinating subjects to me. The extinction of my previous generation will soon be apparent, as the last survivor is soon to decrease in few a decades. But their disappearance will be soon forgotten, faintly remaining only as s natural blessing. Recording extinction is like a recording of what has survived. Here, I leave a record of my encounter with the death of two previous generations around me on a personal level. To escape the responsibility of the one who remembers, I am recording these events, and by doing so, I am creating a justification and excuse for my urge to forget.
\한국의 근대사는 어느새 204년엔 교과서에서 더 쉽게 접할 수 있는 시대가 되었다. 일제강점기, 독립, 한국전쟁, 경제발전, 군사독재의 시대를 오롯이 견뎌온 세대는 현존하는 사회 주역에서 시대에 뒤떨어진 노인들이 되었다가 그나마도 이제 거의 죽음을 맞아 사그러지고 있는 실정이다. 한 세대가 이 세상에서 어떻게 져물어가는 지, 나는 이 세대를 지켜보면서 배울 수 있었다. 내 눈으로 직접 관찰한 멸종해가는 내 위의 두 세대를 보며 나는 생존과 멸종의 생태계를 글이 아닌 실재로 보고 느꼈다. 육체적 노쇠함이 얼마나 직접적으로 한 세대의 영향력을 감소시키고 결국 그것이 한 사회를 지배하는 패러다임을 얼마나 빨리 바꿔버리는지를 바라보는 건 꽤나 충격적인 일이었다. 나에게도 결국 일어날 일이겠지만 오히려 모순적이게도 이것이 나에게 벌어질 때가 가까워지면 가까워 질 수록 나는 이 사실을 되려 망각하게 될 것이다.
죽음과 망각은 언제나 나를 매료시키는 주제였다. 지금도 일어나고 있는 한 세대의 멸종은 곧 살아남은 자들의 기억에서 지워질 것이고 그들의 죽음은 오히려 하나의 축복이 될 것이다. 멸종을 기록하는 것은 살아남은 것을 기록함과도 같기 때문에 나는 죽음과 멸종에 대한 개인적 기록을 여기 남긴다. 기억의 책임에서 벗어나기 위해 오히려 기록하고, 기록함으로써 잊을 수 있는 명분을 만들고자 한다.
Amphibian
Amphibians first appeared on Earth during the Devonian period, approximately 365-370 million years ago, evolving from lobe-finned fish such as lungfish and coelacanths. These early amphibians, like Ichthyostega, were the first tetrapods (four-legged vertebrates) and represented a significant transition from aquatic to terrestrial life, although they still spent much of their time in water.
Over the next few million years, these early amphibians diversified and became dominant land vertebrates during the Carboniferous and Permian periods. However, they were eventually displaced by reptiles, which evolved from some of these early amphibian groups, marking a shift in terrestrial dominance.
The modern groups of amphibians, including frogs, salamanders, and caecilians, emerged later, with the earliest members of modern amphibian species appearing around the Early Triassic period, about 250 million years ago
My Story
The first death I witnessed was my grandmother's. I was 7 years old, old enough to sense that I should pretend to be sad when seeing the grieving adults. But in truth, I wasn't sad or scared; I was just curious about what a dead person might look like and only slightly disappointed that adults wouldn't let me see.
My grandmother, in the late stages of dementia, couldn't manage her own bodily functions or hold a conversation. But I remember she called me "Gukja." Gukja was the name of my youngest aunt who died of tuberculosis at age 7. When I asked why she called me Gukja, my dad said I looked exactly like his youngest sister who died young. Dad described Gukja as a precocious, stubborn, clever, and capable girl for her age. I was said to have inherited her personality traits as well as her looks. But after my grandmother passed away, as I turned from 7 to 8, my personality changed completely. Even my appearance changed. Relatives joked that I must have been swapped with another child somewhere. Perhaps they were right. My grandmother's forgetfulness-induced misconception had dominated everyone's perception of me.
I had no memory of the grandmother who supposedly loved me so much that she carried me on her back daily, never letting my feet touch the ground. I only remember her hunched back carrying a doll on her back, as she no longer had the strength to carry 7-year-old me, and calling it "Hounyeh" affectionately. Until I was 7, I was Gukja and the doll was Hounyeh, so it was only after my grandmother passed away that I fully became myself as Hounyeh.
The first death in my life was like the awakening of myself.
내가 목격했던 첫 죽음은 할머니의 죽음이었다.
나는 만으로 7살이었고, 슬퍼하는 어른들을 보면서 나역시 슬픈척 해야 하는 거라는 것즘은 느낄 수 있을만큼은 큰 나이었다. 그러나 사실의 나는 슬프지 않았고 무섭지도 않았으며 그저 사람이 죽으면 어떤 모습일지 궁금했으나 어른들이 보지 못하게 하는 것이 아주 조금 실망스러운 그 정도였다.
치매 말기었던 할머니는 당신 스스로 용변을 보거나 대화를 할 수 있는 상태는 아니었지만 나를 국자라고 불렀던 기억은 있다. 국자는 7살에 폐병으로 죽었다는 막내 고모의 이름이었다. 왜 내가 국자냐 묻자 아빠는 어릴 때 죽은 막내 여동생이랑 내가 똑같이 생겼노라 했다. 아빠가 묘사한 국자는 나이에 비해 영악하다 싶을만큼 똘똘하고, 고집세고, 영리하고, 야무진 그런 아이었다. 고모의 그런 성격도 빼다 박았다던 나는 할머니가 돌아가시고 7살에서 8살이 되면서 성격이 완전히 바껴버렸다. 외모도 변했다. 친척 어른들이 어디가서 애를 바꿔치기 당해온 거 아니냐고 할 정도였다. 어쩌면 그 말이 맞는지도 모른다. 할머니의 망각에 의한 착각이 나를 바라보던 모든 시선을 지배해왔기 때문에.
할머니가 너무 이뻐해서 매일 업느라 바닥에 두 발 닿고 선적도 없다는 나는, 그런 할머니의 기억은 없었다. 이미 굽은 등에 더이상 업을 수 없는 나 대신 인형을 등에 업고선 ‘훈예야~’ 다정하게 부르던 그 기억만 있다. 7살까지 나는 국자였고 인형은 훈예였기 때문에 난 할머니가 돌아가시고 나서야 온전히 나로서 훈예가 되었다.
내 인생의 첫 죽음은 곧 나 자신의 정체성에 대한 자각과도 같았다.
Bird
Birds first appeared on Earth during the Late Jurassic period, approximately 150 million years ago, evolving from a group of theropod dinosaurs known as maniraptorans. The earliest known bird, Archaeopteryx, exhibited a mix of reptilian and avian characteristics, including feathers, wings, and a long bony tail, marking the initial stages of bird evolution.
Over the next few million years, birds diversified and evolved more advanced features, such as toothless beaks and shortened tails, as seen in species like Confuciusornis. By the Late Cretaceous period, modern bird lineages began to emerge, although many early bird species went extinct at the end of the Cretaceous period, with only a few lineages surviving to give rise to the diverse array of modern bird species.
The mass extinction event at the end of the Cretaceous period played a significant role in shaping the evolution of modern birds, with the surviving lineages rapidly diversifying into the over 10,000 species seen today
My Story
The other day, I visited my Busan aunt's columbarium.
I was raised by my grandmother, but when her condition worsened and she could no longer take care of me, I was sent to my Busan aunt. My Busan aunt was a stunning beauty with a complex personal life. However, what I remember as a child was her voice, loud enough to echo, her hearty laughter that showed her uvula, and her cool way of smoking. "What, oh you Kiddo, that's hilarious." My aunt would laugh like this, at almost anything I said. "Hahaha," Even if it wasn't particularly funny. She'd probably laugh "Hahaha" at this writing too, saying it's hilarious, even though it's not really funny. Watching her, I thought that when I grew up, I'd become an adult who could laugh heartily like that. Hahahaha!
Unlike my Seoul aunt, when my Busan aunt first failed to recognize who I was and treated me like a stranger, I found myself crying uncontrollably. For years after that, I would tear up every time I went to see her. At first, my aunt couldn't recognize people around her, but she could identify people in old photos. Then, slowly traveling back in time, she revisited her middle-aged, young adult, and teenage years, reviewing her entire life before completely hiding her consciousness within herself like a hermit crab, spending a decade without any awareness before passing away. When I heard the news of my aunt's death, I cried only a little. It was strange. Only after hearing about her death could I finally recall the image of my aunt laughing "Hahaha" and saying things were hilarious loud enough to burst eardrums, rather than the aunt tied to the bed. The version of her that had lost all memories was a ghost and didn't exist. Her death brought back her reality.
As I placed chrysanthemums at my aunt's columbarium, I suddenly thought: chrysanthemums (Gukwha in Korean) is really nice. Is it because I'm Gukja that I like Gukwha and that I am so fascinated by death? My grandmother, my Seoul aunt, and my Busan aunt, all that adult women who lived and died were very, very strange people.
엊그제는 부산고모 봉안당을 다녀왔다.
할머니 손에 크던 나는 할머니 상태가 나빠져서 더이상 나를 봐줄 수 없게 되자 부산고모에게 보내지게 되었다.
부산고모는 화려한 미인상에 개인사가 많은 가정을 꾸리고 있었다. 그렇지만 어린 내가 기억하던 것은 메아리가 울릴만큼 큰 목소리로 이야기하고 목젖이 보일만큼 항상 호탕하게 하하하하 웃는 모습과 멋있게 담배를 피던 모습이다. ‘뭐어, 아니 고녀석 그거 진짜 우스워 죽겠네.’ 고모는 내가 무슨 말만 하면 이러고 하하하하 웃었다. 별로 웃긴 얘기가 아니어도 그랬다. 지금 이 글도 별로 웃기지 않지만 고모는 읽으면 우스워 죽겠다며 하하하하 웃을 거 같다. 나는 그런 고모를 보며 나도 크면 호방하게 하하하하 웃을 수 있는 어른이 되겠노라 생각했다. 하하하하하하!
할머니, 그리고 서울 고모때와는 달리 부산고모가 처음으로 내가 누군지 인지하지 못하고 나를 모르는 사람 취급했을 때 나는 너무 서러워서 눈물이 줄줄 흘렀다. 그 뒤로도 몇년은 고모를 보러 갈 때마다 눈물이 났다. 고모는 처음엔 현재 주변 사람들은 못 알아보면서도 예전 사진을 보면 누군지 알아보았다. 그리고 천천히 시간여행을 역행하며 중년, 청년, 소녀시절로 돌아가 본인 한 평생을 다 돌아본 후, 종국에는 소라게처럼 당신 몸속으로 의식을 완전히 숨겨 전혀 의식 없는 십년을 보내다 가셨다. 고모 사망 소식을 듣고 나는 아주 조금만 울었다. 그건 고모에 대한 예의에서 흘리는 눈물 수준이었다. 신기했다. 고모 사망 소식을 들은 후에야 침대에 묶여계신 고모가 아닌 하하하하 웃으며 우스워 죽겠다고 귀청 떨어지라 얘기하던 고모의 모습이 겨우 떠올른다는 것이. 모든 기억을 잃었던 시기의 그녀는 유령이었고 존재하지 않았었다. 그러다 그녀의 죽음이 그녀의 실재를 다시 블러왔다.
고모 봉안당에 국화를 올리며 새삼 생각했다. 국화는 참 좋구나. 나는 내가 국자여서 국화를 좋아하고, 또 내가 국자이기 때문에 죽음에 이렇게 매료되었나? 하고. 할머니도, 고모들도 내가 바라봤던 살다 죽어간 그녀들은 전부 다 정말 참 이상한 사람들이었다.